


you don't have to say you're mine.

by rinas



Category: High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (TV)
Genre: F/M, Post canon, also maybe christmas themed, but yeah, if you want lol, no beta we die like men, not really - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:21:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28272291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rinas/pseuds/rinas
Summary: He sips his cranberry juice while his dad complains about him cheating, and laughs when the fireworks almost make him spill his hot chocolate all over the floor. Ricky goes and pours himself a cup of hot chocolate, just because it’s him, and he can, and also because it feels like closure.
Relationships: Ricky Bowen/Gina Porter
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	you don't have to say you're mine.

**Author's Note:**

> hello rina nation. enjoy this scrap i wrote in two days. was supposed to be a christmas sort of au, but ended up being this post canon sort of thing that i really had no control over, honestly.  
> hope you enjoy, leave a kudos and a coment if you want.  
> thank youu

He thought of her on Christmas day. Saw her when he was on his way to pick Nini up to have dinner, pretended it didn’t hurt when she avoided his gaze. He supposes it isn’t fair, this whole love thing, too much to lose but so little to give, and yet he feels he already gave his all to the wrong person, and figures running on empty with someone who deserves the most is as selfish as wanting to be with Gina in the first place.

Ricky hates it, really, the way she always crosses his mind in the most mundane moments, like when he’s grocery shopping and mindlessly picks up a pack of mint flavored gum because it is her favorite and she always forgets to buy some, like his mind somehow hasn’t caught up to the fact that they’re not what they used to be, whatever they were, not quite friends but not quite more, either.

The funny thing is, he knows he  _ did  _ mean it when he told Nini he loved her, because he does, so, so much, but now the question roaming his brain isn’t whether he loves her or not, but something much more confusing, because he had never understood how people could go from lovers to friends, but now he wishes he did, because his heart doesn’t skip a beat when Nini smiles at him, but he does feel warm and safe and like he’s found a piece of home in her, and he feels like he’s bound to her for life, but not in the way he thought, not in the way he feels with Gina. 

Calling it love goes way beyond what his heart is feeling, but it isn’t far either. Ricky knows that he could love her, more than he ever thought he was capable of loving, but he also knows it won’t go anywhere if things keep going the way they are, and so he sits by the fireplace with Nini holding his hand, and somehow knows she feels the way he does, when she smiles tightly at him and the light doesn’t reach her eyes. He says nothing, and hugs Nini and her moms a little tighter when he’s going home, wishing the relief he tries so hard to push down doesn’t make him selfish.

Nini calls him the day after, tells him to meet at some pizza restaurant around the block from her house, and Ricky knows what’s coming next.

“This isn’t working out,” She says after a beat of silence, and a part of him is grateful that she went straight to the point. “I- Ricky, we’re not good for each other, not in the whole dating thing, we just- don’t communicate, like, at all, and I’m grateful for you, I really am, but i can’t stop thinking about how we’d be so much happier if we tried to fix our relationship from a different perspective, like, a friend kind of perspective. I’m sorry if it’s not what you want, but i don’t think either of us deserves this.” She’s looking at him with something akin to hope, like she hates the idea of them not being close as horrible as he does.

Ricky’s silent for a few seconds, his brain struggling to catch up with Nini and all the things that she just said. “Is it weird I was going to tell you basically the same thing?” Is what comes out of his mouth before he can help it. 

Nini laughs softly, looking relieved, and flashes him a smile after her laughter dies out. It feels a little sad, but her eyes make him a little less scared and a lot more safe, so he reaches across the table and squeezes her hand, letting out a sigh, and doesn’t even notice when the corners of his mouth turn upwards and suddenly they’re both laughing.

“I’m glad we’re okay.” Says Nini after they’re done drinking their sodas and eating their pizzas.

“Yeah, me too.” Says Ricky, the knot in his heart loosening up a bit. 

It’s a lot easier from there, it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s on speaking terms with Gina, but his mind feels a little less clogged, and Ricky likes to think his days are easier, now that he hasn’t got the burden of unspoken emotions to carry. Or, he does have it, but now it’s lighter and easier to carry, doesn’t feel like it’s weighing him down, more like a constant nagging at his brain telling him to do something, anything, to fix whatever mess he left off with Gina. He’s taking baby steps, so that’s got to count for something, right?

  
  


New years feels like a new beginning to Ricky, and no, it’s not bullshit, at least not this year, and for once, the end of something doesn’t feel like it’s choking him to death, it’s rather hopeful, after everything that went down. He doesn’t feel like holding onto the last shreds of what he knows, instead lets himself get a little loose, a little comfortable with the not knowing, takes three deep breaths before going downstairs to his dad, and braces himself for the neverending amount of board games he brought to pass the time.

His dad bought some gingerman cookies, with a tiny kit full of small piping bags with too much frosting to cover a dozen cookies, but he doesn’t complain, puts way too much frosting on the cookies anyways, and they end up tasting like sugar with hints of ginger. Ricky doesn’t mind. 

He welcomes the New Year sitting on his front porch with his dad, playing Uno and drinking store bought cranberry juice because hot chocolate reminds him of his mom, and silently wishes for her to be there, only to discard the thought after a while, when he realizes that he’s here, and he’s good, and, surprisingly, his mom had nothing to do with the way he grew up these past few months, perhaps she doesn’t even know, cause she hasn’t taken his calls since the night of the play, and it strikes him, two minutes before the clock hits 12, that she made her choice a long time ago, and it doesn’t hurt him, the realization that she left home before he even knew about Chicago, long before that, because they weren’t really her home anymore. 

He sips his cranberry juice while his dad complains about him cheating, and laughs when the fireworks almost make him spill his hot chocolate all over the floor. Ricky goes and pours himself a cup of hot chocolate, just because it’s him, and he can, and also because it feels like closure. 

He wishes to be wiser next year, a mess of wild curls slipping into his mind while he does so.

  
  


Going back to school is dready, the weather’s not freezing cold but there’s snow everywhere and getting on the road is horrible, so he has to walk all the way to East High one lonely monday morning and pray to whoever is up there to not make this year miserable for him.

“Hey man, what’s up?” Says Red, jogging up to catch him once he enters the school building, his freezing hand ruffling Ricky’s hair before he can step away.

“Just had your cold ass hand on my scalp, so I guess I’m doing just fine,” Ricky says, rolling his eyes. 

“Why are you so snarky? Are you heartbroken because of Nini? Is this a coping mechanism?” And if he didn’t know Red like the palm of his hand he would've thought he was kidding, but the concerned tone of his voice suggested otherwise. And because the Big Guy up there seemed to show him no mercy, Nini so happened to pass by. 

“Am i a heartbreaker?” Nini says, with an incredulous smile on her lips and teasing eyes.

Ricky sighs heavily before answering, closing his eyes in the process, “I’m not heartbroken, Red, and Nini, I’m so sorry, please don’t think I’ve been crying over you” He says with an exasperated voice, just about ready to melt into a puddle and not have this conversation  _ ever _ .

“Should i be offended if you didn’t cry over me? I mean, I  _ am _ a good catch.” 

“What are you talking about? Didn’t you get a new boyfriend like, two weeks after we took a pause?” Ricky opens his eyes wide, almost shocked that he even managed to say that, and is honestly on the verge of apologizing and running off when Nini laughs loudly, a mock hurt expression over her face.

“Ricky Bowen! Oh my God, what the fuck?” Nini says, still laughing and barely able to breath and talk straight.

Red hasn’t said a word yet, and is looking between them like he’s following a ping pong match. “Guys, what the hell?” He sounds as shocked as Ricky feels, still not processing what happened. 

When the bell finally rings and the hallway begins to clear out, he manages to catch his breath and speak. “I didn’t expect to be making jokes so early on, but c'est la vie, am I right?” Ricky says, smiling a little this time, making Nini, who had not recovered from her laughing fit just yet, let out a snort while she walked to her classroom. 

“I’m sorry, what the hell?” Said Red once again.

“Dude, i don’t even  _ know _ ” And with that, he walked straight to his classroom, with Red following hot on his heels.

Second semester school play doesn’t take anyone by surprise, probably because Carlos snitched that it was going to be Beauty and the Beast not even two days into winter break, though it still doesn’t prepare them for the absolute pain the production will be. 

Auditions take place after school, and while he loved playing Troy in the last musical, he seriously doesn’t think he could take playing the main role again. So he goes for Lumiére, gets the role and that’s that, tries not to think about how Gina stood closer to him in the line up that she’d been in weeks, and instead focuses on learning his lines. 

Gina ends up getting the role of Madame de la Grande, and somehow the role both fits her and doesn’t. Kourtney gets Belle, of course, and EJ gets Beast. Seb manages to land the role of Gaston with little convincing and a lot of promises that he would make Gaston a worthy villain, changes his entire wardrobe and basically makes him ten times more entertaining, but hey, it’s Seb, nobody’s surprised. Nini gets the role of Mrs. Potts, Big Red gets Chip, Carlos gets Lefou (It’s about the gay undertones, Ricky!), Ashlyn gets Cogsworth (There are no genders in theater, Red), and the rest of the roles are scattered around the drama department. 

It’s a little unusual, and totally not what he expected, but everything seems to workout even when the roles seem a little sketchy at first, everyone molds right into them, and it’s in times like those when Ricky really thinks Miss Jenn is doing a damn good job in seeing something good in a bunch of high school kids. 

He calls Gina on a wednesday at almost eleven at night, almost a month after the beginning of school, and only regrets it slightly when she doesn’t pick up after the fourth ring. She picks up just when he’s about to hang up.

“Hey” She says, softly, and the sound of her voice sends his heart racing out of his ribcage. His breath only stutters a bit, and he hopes Gina didn’t hear the way she makes his breath catch in his throat.

“Hey” He says, only a little scared that she’ll hang up on him, but also kind of thrilled because she picked up and he doesn’t know where this is going.

“Why’d you call?” Gina says, and it doesn’t sound accusatory, so he answers her with a steadier voice.

“I broke up with Nini” Ricky doesn’t know when they went from talking for hours to this, barely a conversation, but what he knows is that he’ll at least try to get back to that, to when they knew things about the other that weren’t just empty words of a stranger.

“I know” She says, exhales slowly, and Ricky feels it in his bones, even if she’s only talking through the phone.

“I’m sorry. I- I guess I didn't know what I was doing, and I hurt you in the end, and Nini, too, I think, myself also, but I’m trying to be honest here, you know? You don’t even have to say something, you can just listen and then, I don’t know, figure out if you’ll have me or not,” He takes a deep breath, figures it’s better to get it over with, and speaks again, more confident this time. “I don’t know if you felt the way I did, but I liked you, Gina, a lot, and I suck at communicating my feelings, let alone express them, but I tried, and then I got scared, and that’s on me, I know, cause I never told you how I felt, not explicitly, at least, so I had no right to expect something from you, but I guess I just wanted to have something in my life to be sure of, and I guess I thought that someone was Nini, so I went back to her, knowing that I felt things for you, which is all kinds of fucked up, I know, and I’m sorry, but Nini and I worked things out, and I wanted to tell you the truth, in case you wanted to know. I’m not telling you this to excuse myself, though maybe it came off that way, but, I just, I don’t know, wanted to come clean, or something, so yeah. Sorry. For- I don’t know, everything.” He exhales, and notices he feels his heartbeat in his ears, so loud and so fast Ricky thinks she may even hear it.

“I don’t know what to say.” Gina says after a while, her voice is even softer, albeit not a whisper, but close to one, and Ricky wonders if her heart’s beating as fast as his.

“Don’t say anything.” Ricky says, his voice has gone soft too, and now it feels like the conversation is even more delicate, as if even the slightest motion could startle the two of them and ruin whatever microcosm they’ve created while talking through the phone. 

“I said that, the night of the play, remember?” Gina breaks the silence once more, her voice more firm this time, still soft but not as vulnerable.

“Yeah, I do” Says Ricky, with perhaps a bit of sadness laced into his voice, he hopes she doesn’t notice.

“I, uh, think we should go to bed, we have school tomorrow,” Gina says, and her voice lulls him in the darkness of the night. He’s not against letting her go for a while, not if he gets to have her again, however she lets him. “I-” She clears her throat “I liked you too, a lot. For what is worth.”

“Okay,” Is the only thing he manages to say, a little breathless.

“Okay. Good night, Ricky.” She doesn’t wait for him to respond, hangs up right away.

He stays there, staring holes into his ceiling, wondering what the  _ fuck _ was wrong with him for being so goddamn stupid this whole time. When he’s almost asleep, he thinks about the way she said she  _ liked him _ , and wonders, too, if the past tense means she doesn’t anymore.

  
  
  


With April comes spring, and it’s only a little harder for Ricky to pretend he’s not falling for Gina when she dresses up in flowery dresses and looks as soft as he’s ever seen her. Maybe it’s because he only saw her in the coldest seasons, but something about the way the sun reflects on her hair makes Ricky realize he’s more than halfway into falling in love with her. Spring makes him bolder, somehow, and Ashlyn would surely say it’s because of the stars, or some astrology thing like she always does. But in hindsight, he was probably meant to fall for her in any season, any weather, though if it were up to him, falling in love while the flowers bloom makes up a pretty good story. 

It’s not long before everything unwinds, and Ricky is more than okay when everything starts to slowly fall into place. College is not so far anymore, but it doesn’t make him feel scared shitless, and although he has no idea what he’ll do once he’s out of high school, the thought doesn’t send him spiraling like it might once had. 

His friends are good, his grades are not as bad as he thought they’d be, and his dad seems to have a weird sort of crush on his drama teacher. Ricky doesn’t complain, though. 

Nini and him hang out every once in a while, and he knows she’s dying to ask him about Gina, because everyone notices how his eyes get all soft when he looks at her. They’re trying to be friends again, work things out, but Ricky doesn’t feel it’s time to make a move yet, so he listens to her and pretends it’s not one of his favorite things to do. 

It’s rather hopeful, the way they’re still tentative around each other, Ricky thinks, because it shows they still care, and maybe, she’s just as scared as he is of messing things up. This weird limbo they’ve been on for the past weeks gets exhausting, even more when he crosses boundaries he didn’t know existed, and he constantly feels the need to be careful around her, and at times she starts to feel like a stranger, when he can’t figure her out even if he knew her inside and out a few months ago. It’s sad, and makes the knot in his chest tighten a little when he thinks about it too much. 

But he knows things aren’t supposed to be easy, least of all with her, so the thought fuels him a bit when he’s feeling down and just wants to get it over with, wants to tell her how much he feels for her, albeit he hasn’t got a name for it yet, for the things he feels when he thinks of her, and especially when he thinks about love and all of its meanings and how she may be fit for one of those, how he thinks he loves her but isn’t sure if what he’s feeling is love or just him reflecting his vineyard of feels into a theoretical meaning. Ricky hopes what he’s feeling isn’t just words on paper. 

“Were you even listening?” Gina’s voice cuts through the loud chatter of the cafeteria, and for a moment Ricky isn’t sure she’s even talking to him, then realizes she’s looking expectantly at him, as are the rest of his friends.

“Uh, I’m sorry, no, I wasn’t. What were you saying?” Ricky hopes he doesn’t come off as rude, but he really can’t be blamed for wanting to stare at the side of her face for a moment too long.  _ Sue him. _

Kourtney sighs loudly, rolling her eyes even though there’s a smile tugging at her lips. “We were just asking if you wanted to tag along for bowling today.”

“Sure, I mean, if you want to get your asses kicked, I sure would enjoy the show.” 

“You’re so full of it,” Says Nini with narrowed eyes, Seb next to her chuckling softly at her dramatics. 

“I’m sorry, who am I talking to, again? Don’t be such a sore loser, Nina.” It feels good to talk to her like this, and he prays the look of bewilderment in Gina’s eyes is because she finds the two of them odd and nothing else.  _ Please don’t think I’m back with my ex for the second time _ , Ricky thinks. 

“You’re going down,” Nini says, looking at him through hooded eyes and furrowed eyebrows. Right after the bell rings, signalling the end of lunch, Nini’s gaze turns nervous, dramatic talk left behind. “I’ll bring over Maia from my Chem class, goodbye!” And then she  _ flees _ . 

“Does she have a girlfriend already? Ricky’s so easy to replace, honestly.” Says EJ, who, according to Ricky, has made his way into their group without anyone noticing and now they’re stuck with him for the rest of the year. 

“An improvement, sorry, Ricky, Maia’s much cuter than you.” Carlos says, not even looking up from his phone.

“What the fuck?” Says Ricky.

“No swearing in the school hallway, Ricky.” Says Red, looking far too smug for Ricky’s liking. 

“ _ Goodbye _ .” Says Ricky, and he, too,  _ fucking flees _ . 

  
  


Bowling has never been Ricky’s preferred friday activity, and if it weren’t for the fact that he’s actively trying to spend time with the people he loves (also because he wasn’t kidding when he said he kicks ass at bowling), he wouldn’t be caught dead there when the skate park is just around the corner. But he’s there, and even when he doesn’t want to admit it, skating gets a bit boring compared to this, when he’s all laughs and snarky comments just because being with his friends makes him feel a little in love with life. Maybe even a little in love with this life he’s living, although it gets shitty sometimes. 

Nobody’s quite ready to go home when they finish bowling, so they go to Red’s parents pizza place begging to get a discount. They don’t, but Red’s parents give them extra garlic knots nonetheless, and the late night starts to feel more vivid somehow, less sharp edges and more softness around them, a little microcosm oblivious to the outside world, and it’s then when Ricky decides his wait is finally done. 

“Hi,” Says Ricky, his voice sounds gentler than before, when he was chatting with Carlos. It doesn’t bother him. 

“Hi,” Says Gina, looking the prettiest Ricky’s ever seen her, with her hair up and one of those dresses he’s come to really like in the past few weeks.

“Do you want to talk? It’ll be just a minute, i promise.” He doesn’t sound as nervous as he thought he might be, and Ricky thanks the creator of all things almighty for giving him this.

“Sure.” Gina goes to Ashlyn, tells her she’ll come home a little late, Ashlyn looks at Ricky with amusement in her eyes, and tells Gina it’s okay to go as long as she doesn’t stay out too late. 

EJ gives him a weird side eye that Ricky doesn’t really comprehend, but he guesses EJ’s on his big brother wannabe phase, so he lets it go.

Ricky didn’t really think things through, so he ends up taking Gina to the skate park, because it’s empty when it’s late, and tries not to think of those few words she said to him, in that same place, when they didn’t know each other.

“Remember when i called you? Back in January?” He really thinks he should work on greeting people properly before talking, but it’s late at night and he has a lot of feelings he hasn’t got out, greetings are not exactly on his priorities at the moment. 

“Yeah, why?” Gina doesn’t seem to know where this is going, but she also doesn’t look upset, so Ricky takes that as a win and keeps talking.

“I told you I liked you. As in, past tense like, which didn’t clear things up, in my opinion, so I guess I should tell you what I feel. This time in present tense. I like you, a lot. Sorry that it took me so long to tell you that.” He doesn’t know if he feels relieved or not, because she doesn’t say a word for the next minute or so, but at the same time he’s not really sure if her answer is something he wants to know, doesn’t know if it’ll be worse to know she doesn’t feel the same anymore or if she does, because he has absolutely no idea of what he’ll do if she says she wants him, too. 

“I, uh,” She looks dumbfounded, and her voice comes out a bit raspy. “Don’t do dating, as you know.”

“I didn’t expect you to,” Ricky says, and he surprises himself when his voice comes out calm and even, as if his whole body doesn’t feel like it’s on fire and the rapid beating of his heart doesn’t feel like a ticking time bomb.

“Let me finish,” Gina says, “I don’t know about the dating ordeal or whatever but I- I like you, and I’d like to try, something, anything, if you want. We’ll just do trial and error, I guess? I just. Want to give it a try, for real.” 

“That’s- More than okay, actually, yeah.” Ricky’s aware he’s grinning so wide his cheeks hurt, but Gina’s smiling too, like she feels just as happy as him, and it feels great.

“Okay.” Gina says, then tilts her head to the side a bit, motioning for him to follow her, holds his hand tight, and he feels like he’s falling even harder now.

It feels like the greatest thing ever, actually. 


End file.
